CD Media
Politics

Biden Back From The Dead!

Image: YouTube

Well, well, well. Joe Biden–declared dead in the water as often as Leo DiCaprio in reruns of the closing frames of “Titanic”–proved tonight that his heart will go on. And on. Far past the point of logic, reason, rule of law, and the pink-hued hopes of Berniebros everywhere, Biden is still floating.

Biden has won Alabama, North Carolina, Virginia, Minnesota, Tennessee, Oklahoma, and even Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s home state of Massachusetts! Warren is running THIRD in her home state, behind Biden and Sanders.

Nationally, Biden has won 277 delegates to Sanders’ 236 at time of writing. This excludes results from California and Texas, the biggest prizes of the night, both too close to call. Regardless, this has gone Biden’s way far beyond what he could have hoped in recent weeks.

In his celebratory remarks onstage, Biden was stage-rushed by some anti-dairy gals, outlets such as MSNBC are calling for Secret Service protection. For the record, Biden didn’t grab anyone.

The rest of the field are so far behind as not to matter, low two-digit delegate counts. Mike Bloomberg won American Samoa, a sad punchline to a $500 million joke.

The evening wasn’t without its Biden senior moment. He was on stage to address supporters for less than ten seconds when he confused his wife Jill and his sister Valerie:

Biden’s summary calls for a cure for Alzheimer’s disease sounded like a desperate plea, a dear necessity.

This much we know: Biden has thus far captured more delegates on Super Thursday Tuesday than he could have ever hoped for two days ago. The gains are of course due to the exceptionally canny moves by the DNC, which reined in its newsworthy also-rans (Mayor Pete Buttigieg and Senator Amy Klobuchar) and commanded that they fall on the party sword. It worked. Their supporters voted for Biden.

Sanders has won Colorado, Utah, and Vermont. If no one else will say it plainly, I will: Sanders does well with whites. In any state with more than 10% minorities, Biden is the winner.

In the end, snuffing out the growing flame of socialism within the party proved more existentially important to Dems. It was all hands on deck to sink Sanders, and so far, it has worked.

It’s difficult to overstate how crucial tonight’s results were for Biden. It’s downright odd. Stranger still: Biden is no less guilty of his familial crimes in Ukraine and China. His son Hunter is still conspicuously absent from national discourse despite being the biggest political story since Benghazi.

Joe can’t even stop sniffing “folks”.

The weirdness is still there. Is Joe the phoenix from the ashes, or the ugly compromise desperate Dems have struck with the DNC?

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