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Words and Phrases We Must Eliminate

Words and Phrases We Must Eliminate
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Last week, Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats proposed new rules for restricting language including banning the use of “gendered terms” and substituting “more inclusive” words. Among the banned words are “he,” “she,” “father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, first cousin, nephew, niece, husband, wife, father-in-law, mother-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, stepfather, stepmother, stepson, stepdaughter, stepbrother, stepsister, half brother, half sister, grandson, [and] granddaughter.” It’s not understandable to me why terms that more specifically reference a person and that person’s familial relationship should be banned, why this should matter when our country is struggling with so many serious internal crises, and how this does not violate the First Amendment.

In yet another act of gender-neutral idiocy, Democrat Congressman Emanuel Cleaver (D-Mo.) concluded the daily congressional prayer with the words “amen and awoman.” The word “amen” originates from Hebrew, a congregation’s approval of a solemn prayer, and has no relationship to gender except that the letters “men” appear in the word. Of course, the word “awoman” is totally made up and has no meaning whatsoever.

The University of Michigan’s IT department also recently put out a list terms that are offensive and must be avoided so as not to offend people. This isn’t completely unexpected in today’s progressive world, but this list is strange even by today’s warped standards. For example, according to the list, the word “picnic” should be replaced by “gathering.” The explanation seems to be that there is a rumor on social media that the word has its origins in the lynching of African Americans. This isn’t true; its actual meaning derives from the 17th-century French word “pique-nique,” which was used to described social gatherings in which attendees brought food. However, people could still have heard the false origin and take offense, and so anything that might cause offense in any person, even a stupid one who is badly misinformed, needs to be avoided.

Another term on the list, “brown bag,” should be replaced by “lunch and learn.” No one is really sure about this one, but “brown” could refer to someone’s skin color and thus make someone uncomfortable. For example, this phrase might invoke the image of a racist who hates brown-skinned people and the term “bag” could refer to the bag placed over a person’s head before a hanging. I’m just guessing, but you can see how this could be triggering to a really stupid, misinformed person who is looking for reasons to be upset.

In reality, those who are offended by terminology will certainly find other words and phrases at which to be offended because they are actually utilizing language restrictions to advance and enforce their own power by restricting others. This language war is succeeding, as government, businesses, and academia now ostracize and excommunicate those who “misuse language.” The Founding Fathers understood this problem well and created protections against it in the very first amendment to the Constitution. However, many Americans have now forgotten or have capitulated to this power play and, in doing so, allowed others to gain power over them.

So in the interest of satire, I’ve decided to start my own list of grievous terminology that must be banned from our language. There are many words that can be triggering to people who have a lot of time and little sense. My list is below. I suggest we all keep adding to the list until every word in the English language needs to be banned. Then we can simply grunt and growl at each, while we make sure that our fires are lit, we have time to scrounge for our roots and berries, and our caves are clean and welcoming places to all people, regardless of gender, race, or species.

Word or PhraseReasonReplacement
picnicMistakenly thought to be derived from lynchings.gathering
gatheringCould be a gathering for a lynching.peaceful non-lynching get-together definitely not for lynching anyone
riotRacist.mostly peaceful protest
brown bagWho knows, but obviously some people are upset by it.lunch and learn
lunchMany minorities cannot afford lunch. Also, many cultures have dinner but not lunch, so this is culture-centric.meal
learnReminds us about the disenfranchising policies of our education system toward minorities.think
colored peopleRacist.Afro Americans
Afro AmericansWrong.blacks
blacksWrong.African Americans
African AmericansWrong. Excludes people not from Africa.people of color
people of colorToo generic.blacks
blacksDisrespectful.Blacks
Orient, Oriental, orienteeringRacist.Asia, Asian, spelunking
Mexican AmericanWrong. Excludes people not from Mexico.Latin American
Latin AmericanWrong. Excludes people not from Latin America. Also implies they speak Latin, a language spoken by dead white people.Hispanic
HispanicRacist. Assumes the culture of Spain, a conquering European/white country.Latino, Latina
Latino, LatinaSexist.Latinx
WASP, wop, dago, mick, hori, kike, polack, redneck, cracker, honkyNo problem. Kind of funny.
niggardlyFor obvious reasons.miserly, Shylock, Jew, Scotch
in the blackOffensive to blacks.profitable
profitableOffensive to minorities who are systematically excluded from owning or running businesses.got Benjamins
in the redOffensive to Native Americans.losing money
republic, RepublicanBrings to mind a modern-day, evil political party.Nazi
triggerPart of a gun that kills people.pistil (part of a flower)
pistilSounds like pistol, which is a gun that kills people.petal (different part of a flower)
literallyMostly because it is used literally way too much and usually incorrectly. Especially by Kelly Clarkson. And it bugs the heck out of me. Literally.very
every life mattersSounds like some lives don’t matter to some people even though it states just the opposite.Black Lives Matter
pro-lifeMakes some people feel guilty for killing their unborn child.anti-choice
Jesus ChristAn all-powerful, judgmental mythical figure.Santa Claus
GaiaAn all-powerful, judgmental mythical figure. No problem.
capitalismSystem that has raised more people of all backgrounds out of poverty than any other in history but is still oppressive and racist.socialism
maleSexist. We shouldn’t assume that someone with facial hair, likes power tools, and has an appendage between his legs is male.person
femaleSexist. We shouldn’t assume that someone with breasts, likes shopping, or pees sitting down is female.person
sexually confusedSexist.LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ+
slut, promiscuousJudgmental (even Microsoft Word flags the word “slut” with “this language may be offensive to your reader”).pansexual
he, she, father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, first cousin, nephew, niece, husband, wife, father-in-law, mother-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, stepfather, stepmother, stepson, stepdaughter, stepbrother, stepsister, half-brother, half-sister, grandson, granddaughterSexist.person
amenSexist.aperson
awomanSexist. And nonsense.aperson
humanSexist.person
managerSexist.boss, jerk
managementSexist.lots of jerks
mangySexist.shabby
mantaSexist.flappy fish-type thingy
manualSexist.non-automatic
manureSexist.shit
manySexist.lots
menstruationSexist.period, time of month, on the rag, code red, monthly curse, monthly friend, Aunt Flo is visiting
womanSexist.superior being
normalMeaningless because everyone is normal.everyone
abnormalMeaningless because no one is abnormal.no one
conservativeObvious.abnormal
progressiveObvious.normal
crippleInsulting.invalid
invalidDerogatory because no one is invalid.handicapped
handicappedDerogatory because one person’s handicap is another’s advantage. Like not having limbs or eyesight.disabled
disabledNo one is disabled, everyone has different abilities, like the ability to not hear sounds, which can actually be quite relaxing.differently abled
snowflakeUsed derogatorily to describe woke, superior people and it makes them really, really upset.better than you
imbecileDerogatory.different thinking
moronDerogatory.different thinking
stupidDerogatory.different thinking
dumbInsulting to those who cannot speak.different thinking
mentally retardedImplies that they cannot think as well as others.different thinking
retardedInsulting.different thinking
idiotTriggering to the idiots who need protection from trigger words and phrases.socially responsible, woke, anti-racist person who is much better than you are

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13 comments

Avatar
Chuck Fuoco January 10, 2021 at 5:19 am

Word/phrase Reason Replacement

Loved it Too gay Funny as shit
and true

Too gay One could not a fag
never be
too gay

fag Too gay faggot

faggot Reminds person
persons of
sticks, which
could have been
used at lynchings

One Absolute, two!
racist

Two Could three!!
suggest a
picnic

Three Possible ELEVEN!!
lynching

eleven is ok Oh, thank God

(uh, oh)

Loved it,

Reply
Avatar
dockingBay94 January 11, 2021 at 3:26 pm

Words we must eliminate:
Pelosi
Schumer
Nadler
Comey
Clinton
Clapper
Democrat
Wait… how much server space do you have? This is going to go on for a while…

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Avatar
donald January 12, 2021 at 2:23 pm

Must delete word “black” and “white”. This will require total revision of the color pallet and rewriting on most books on painting and music, but the clown corps seems to have lots of time on its hands. We will also have to change all references to that time after daylight. Any references to “dark” could be misconstrued. This will require destruction of millions of books, after first reviewing them . Pianos have diffirent coored keys. Again, a need for revision and major reconstruction of all existing pianos. No end to the great labor increase engendered by these people. As for people, such as those in Africa who have no objection to being called black? I guess we will have to destroy them.

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Whiskey1Bravo January 12, 2021 at 8:20 pm

These people ARE idiots.

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Dr. Frank January 13, 2021 at 9:35 am

Awomen using the “A” means without women. I do believe that Rep. Cleaver just dissed all women in the Congress and America. He’s a misogynist!! Why isn’t the “Pink ” parade calling him out??

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WingWalker January 13, 2021 at 11:01 am

Boy oh boy can we have fun with the word ” Democrat ” !!! let’s see ….. let’s try to ” break ” it down … sorry for the partial pun here.

Since I don’t have my wordsmith book, cut me a ” break ” !!

Demo crat …. ” Demo ” … to destroy, demolition, demonsterous, demonstrable demonstration … you getting my drift ??

I’m still working on the ” crat ” part …. can anyone help me here … please.

All of this ” P.C. ” CRAP really pisses me off !! People are making too much out of words we’ve used for centuries. If one is sooooo badly offended by little words, how bout we try to recall a little diddy from childhood .. as in ” sticks and stone can break my bones, but words can never hurt me ” !!! oh sh.it .. we’ve gotta be very careful of the ” hood ” as in neighborhood, or ” hood ” as in ” Robin the Hood “, as in a criminal ??

GET OVER IT … we’re wasting our lives making issues over words that can never hurt me, unless we’re behaving like overly spoiled, overly protected, thumb sucking basement dwelling snowflakes …. people GET A LIFE and get on With your life !!!

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Avatar
WingWalker January 13, 2021 at 11:06 am

To DockingBay94 ….

WAY TO GO … I’m ROTFLMFAO so hard, tears are flowing like rivers and my belly hurts !!!!

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name January 13, 2021 at 5:44 pm

there can be no more transgender operations because it is not right to ask to become a man or a woman.

Reply
Avatar
pc_PHAGE January 14, 2021 at 1:44 pm

Was skag too ‘outre’?
or,
The DEMs are the Coloured Party.
I wonder if Black Bastard could pass muster?
In 1963 boot camp some Black provoked me and I called him a Black Bastard.
I got in a lot of trouble as my platoon sergeants were Puerto Rican and Black.
I could feel the hate from sergeant Perez, but the Black sergeant was non-committal .

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Dave Nichols January 18, 2021 at 6:07 pm

Cancel “racism”, “White supremacy”, etc. Whites think Blacks act strange and don’t care if they feel inferior or not.

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Sheila Dallas January 19, 2021 at 12:11 pm

I wish I could be as elegant as all the people that have commented on this brilliant essay. In these trying times humor is a virtue
Thank all of you especially Mr. Ziedman

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Avatar
DD More January 20, 2021 at 9:33 am

Another term on the list, “brown bag”. The real reason it is on the list is because of the missing word “TEST” is not included. Brings back colorism-discrimination based on skin color, conducted by Blacks on themselves. Sauce.

2006 book, The Paper Bag Principle: Class, Colorism and Rumor and the Case of Black Washington, D.C., Audrey Elisa Kerr, a professor of African-American literature, documents reports that the brown paper bag test was used by African-American fraternities, sororities, churches and social clubs throughout the 20th century. Exclusion is often ugly, but there seems to be something especially pernicious about African American churches not allowing dark-skinned African Americans as members-this is reminiscent of white churches forbidding African Americans, of all hues, from membership.

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Joe January 20, 2021 at 2:21 pm

Democrat women may not be women at all. Just because they look like women outwardly means nothing. You need to give a young Democrat something a bath to know for sure. And look close! Biden will give everyone Medicare and force it to pay for sex change operations by the millions. Get ready.

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