Last week, Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats proposed new rules for restricting language including banning the use of “gendered terms” and substituting “more inclusive” words. Among the banned words are “he,” “she,” “father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, first cousin, nephew, niece, husband, wife, father-in-law, mother-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, stepfather, stepmother, stepson, stepdaughter, stepbrother, stepsister, half brother, half sister, grandson, [and] granddaughter.” It’s not understandable to me why terms that more specifically reference a person and that person’s familial relationship should be banned, why this should matter when our country is struggling with so many serious internal crises, and how this does not violate the First Amendment.
In yet another act of gender-neutral idiocy, Democrat Congressman Emanuel Cleaver (D-Mo.) concluded the daily congressional prayer with the words "amen and awoman.” The word “amen” originates from Hebrew, a congregation’s approval of a solemn prayer, and has no relationship to gender except that the letters “men” appear in the word. Of course, the word “awoman” is totally made up and has no meaning whatsoever.
The University of Michigan's IT department also recently put out a list terms that are offensive and must be avoided so as not to offend people. This isn’t completely unexpected in today’s progressive world, but this list is strange even by today’s warped standards. For example, according to the list, the word “picnic” should be replaced by “gathering.” The explanation seems to be that there is a rumor on social media that the word has its origins in the lynching of African Americans. This isn’t true; its actual meaning derives from the 17th-century French word "pique-nique," which was used to described social gatherings in which attendees brought food. However, people could still have heard the false origin and take offense, and so anything that might cause offense in any person, even a stupid one who is badly misinformed, needs to be avoided.
Another term on the list, “brown bag,” should be replaced by “lunch and learn.” No one is really sure about this one, but “brown” could refer to someone’s skin color and thus make someone uncomfortable. For example, this phrase might invoke the image of a racist who hates brown-skinned people and the term “bag” could refer to the bag placed over a person’s head before a hanging. I’m just guessing, but you can see how this could be triggering to a really stupid, misinformed person who is looking for reasons to be upset.
In reality, those who are offended by terminology will certainly find other words and phrases at which to be offended because they are actually utilizing language restrictions to advance and enforce their own power by restricting others. This language war is succeeding, as government, businesses, and academia now ostracize and excommunicate those who “misuse language.” The Founding Fathers understood this problem well and created protections against it in the very first amendment to the Constitution. However, many Americans have now forgotten or have capitulated to this power play and, in doing so, allowed others to gain power over them.
So in the interest of satire, I’ve decided to start my own list of grievous terminology that must be banned from our language. There are many words that can be triggering to people who have a lot of time and little sense. My list is below. I suggest we all keep adding to the list until every word in the English language needs to be banned. Then we can simply grunt and growl at each, while we make sure that our fires are lit, we have time to scrounge for our roots and berries, and our caves are clean and welcoming places to all people, regardless of gender, race, or species.
|Word or Phrase||Reason||Replacement|
|picnic||Mistakenly thought to be derived from lynchings.||gathering|
|gathering||Could be a gathering for a lynching.||peaceful non-lynching get-together definitely not for lynching anyone|
|riot||Racist.||mostly peaceful protest|
|brown bag||Who knows, but obviously some people are upset by it.||lunch and learn|
|lunch||Many minorities cannot afford lunch. Also, many cultures have dinner but not lunch, so this is culture-centric.||meal|
|learn||Reminds us about the disenfranchising policies of our education system toward minorities.||think|
|colored people||Racist.||Afro Americans|
|African Americans||Wrong. Excludes people not from Africa.||people of color|
|people of color||Too generic.||blacks|
|Orient, Oriental, orienteering||Racist.||Asia, Asian, spelunking|
|Mexican American||Wrong. Excludes people not from Mexico.||Latin American|
|Latin American||Wrong. Excludes people not from Latin America. Also implies they speak Latin, a language spoken by dead white people.||Hispanic|
|Hispanic||Racist. Assumes the culture of Spain, a conquering European/white country.||Latino, Latina|
|WASP, wop, dago, mick, hori, kike, polack, redneck, cracker, honky||No problem. Kind of funny.|
|niggardly||For obvious reasons.||miserly, Shylock, Jew, Scotch|
|in the black||Offensive to blacks.||profitable|
|profitable||Offensive to minorities who are systematically excluded from owning or running businesses.||got Benjamins|
|in the red||Offensive to Native Americans.||losing money|
|republic, Republican||Brings to mind a modern-day, evil political party.||Nazi|
|trigger||Part of a gun that kills people.||pistil (part of a flower)|
|pistil||Sounds like pistol, which is a gun that kills people.||petal (different part of a flower)|
|literally||Mostly because it is used literally way too much and usually incorrectly. Especially by Kelly Clarkson. And it bugs the heck out of me. Literally.||very|
|every life matters||Sounds like some lives don’t matter to some people even though it states just the opposite.||Black Lives Matter|
|pro-life||Makes some people feel guilty for killing their unborn child.||anti-choice|
|Jesus Christ||An all-powerful, judgmental mythical figure.||Santa Claus|
|Gaia||An all-powerful, judgmental mythical figure. No problem.|
|capitalism||System that has raised more people of all backgrounds out of poverty than any other in history but is still oppressive and racist.||socialism|
|male||Sexist. We shouldn’t assume that someone with facial hair, likes power tools, and has an appendage between his legs is male.||person|
|female||Sexist. We shouldn’t assume that someone with breasts, likes shopping, or pees sitting down is female.||person|
|slut, promiscuous||Judgmental (even Microsoft Word flags the word “slut” with “this language may be offensive to your reader”).||pansexual|
|he, she, father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, first cousin, nephew, niece, husband, wife, father-in-law, mother-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, stepfather, stepmother, stepson, stepdaughter, stepbrother, stepsister, half-brother, half-sister, grandson, granddaughter||Sexist.||person|
|awoman||Sexist. And nonsense.||aperson|
|management||Sexist.||lots of jerks|
|manta||Sexist.||flappy fish-type thingy|
|menstruation||Sexist.||period, time of month, on the rag, code red, monthly curse, monthly friend, Aunt Flo is visiting|
|normal||Meaningless because everyone is normal.||everyone|
|abnormal||Meaningless because no one is abnormal.||no one|
|invalid||Derogatory because no one is invalid.||handicapped|
|handicapped||Derogatory because one person’s handicap is another’s advantage. Like not having limbs or eyesight.||disabled|
|disabled||No one is disabled, everyone has different abilities, like the ability to not hear sounds, which can actually be quite relaxing.||differently abled|
|snowflake||Used derogatorily to describe woke, superior people and it makes them really, really upset.||better than you|
|dumb||Insulting to those who cannot speak.||different thinking|
|mentally retarded||Implies that they cannot think as well as others.||different thinking|
|idiot||Triggering to the idiots who need protection from trigger words and phrases.||socially responsible, woke, anti-racist person who is much better than you are|
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