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If I Were A Conspiracy Theorist…

If I Were A Conspiracy Theorist...
Image by Maggie Hallahan

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would believe that no one on the Left thought Trump had a prayer against the Hillary juggernaut, so they paid him no mind.  But the more he spoke, the more worried they became, so they declared he would not accept the inevitable Hillary win.  Why take chances?  Just seed some doubt.

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would believe the closer the race became, and the more worried Obama, Hillary and company became, they began to spy on Trump associates and develop contingency plans.  As they planned the coronation party for Hillary, as polls indicated an easy win, that nagging doubt unsettled them.

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would believe that after the shock of Hillary’s impending loss became apparent, they unleashed the full power of the nation’s intelligence apparatus to find the obvious bogeyman behind Trump’s win — Russia, because the polls and our media told us there was something nefarious afoot.  When they found nothing, they just made things up and classified them so regular people could not read them for themselves.  They sent out all their minions to the talk shows to drive home the conspiracy that Putin put Trump in office.

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would believe that Obama laid last minute landmines on the way out of office to explode in Trump’s face.  Sanctions on Russia, and expelling diplomats would do nicely.  If once he was in The White House, and tried to unwind sanctions, they could accuse Trump of working with the Russians and have proof of the ‘collusion’ in getting him elected. 

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would believe that once the Democrats realized the Russia story was going nowhere, they would shift to the Ukrainians and to make sure it stuck this time, add impeachment to the mix.  Certainly the American people would see predetermined impeachment as evidence that Trump was a foreign agent.

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would believe the Democrat failure to bring down Trump via impeachment left them dismayed.  The economy was booming.  Minorities were employed at record rates.  The stock market was climbing.  Even a blip in the road with China didn’t stop things.  So when the China Virus came along, they would have sighed in relief, as they found an excuse to ruin the one guarantee of a second term for Trump — the economy.

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would believe that Democrat governors and mayors, with the help of a globalist media, would cover up their bungled handling of the pandemic and blame Trump.  The daily countdown of deaths, the shrill cries for universal testing, the shortage of ventilators, the endless stories of hydroxychloroquine dangers, would all point to an incompetent Trump administration, But when his outstanding team tapped American innovation and manufacturing and overcame a rough start, the progressives needed a new plan.

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would believe Democratic governors and mayors made sure to stamp out any signs of hope in reviving the economy.  The Democrats called upon their leaders to extend lockdowns indefinitely.  They shut down the very people who supported Trump — the religious, small business owners, factory workers.  Don’t let them go back to work, they said.  Let’s put them on the government payroll where we can control them.  But when Republican states started opening up, the media called them anti-science fanatics who were practiced the equivalent of “human sacrifice”.  Yet somehow the virus didn’t come back and people ignored their governments, went back to work anyway, and to the restaurants and the beaches.

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would believe that once the pandemic excuse for destroying the economy had passed, and the murder hornets failed, radical progressives saw one last opportunity to destroy the revival of the economy and send Trump packing in November.  Sure it was abhorrent and everyone thought those cops were murderers, but why let a crisis go to waste?  They unleashed a small band of Antifa terrorists to rile up angry crowds and destroy small businesses, restaurants for good, all while ignoring social distancing that progressives told liberty seeking citizens only a few weeks earlier was irresponsible and dangerous.  Then when the President reacted to restore law and order, they said he was a fascist dictator who gassed and shot law abiding, peaceful protesters. 

If I were only a conspiracy theorist, this would make a great, but unbelievable NYT bestselling thriller.

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8 comments

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III% June 5, 2020 at 2:11 pm

Okay, you are ALMOST there. Now, go back to your original start, and revamp the idea that this started once they figured out Trump might win.

The odds are very high that they were spying on EVERY Republican running so they could use it as political fodder in the race. But wait, it goes back further.

There is high probability that there was spying even before Obama got into office and was in fact used to leverage and GET him elected. But wait, it goes back further.

If you know history, you know that the FBI since virtually its inception has collected and used information for political purposes. This is just maxed out on meth is all.

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Court Anderson
Court Anderson June 5, 2020 at 6:20 pm

Great piece.

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I wouldn’t believe COVID just “came along.” We know it was manufactured in the WIV lab in Wuhan using dangerous gain-of-function research that Fauci fought for tooth and nail.

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